Sometimes I
caught myself looking and feeling the ring on my fingers. It is just an
ordinary ring that can be bought at a cheaper price. My then-fiance
bought it at a flea market in Osukan-non the day before our wedding. It
was a silver ring with a single white stone carved in a cross like
engravings. He said he liked it best for our wedding because the cross
symbolizes our common faith to our Lord, Jesus Christ. It was not love
at first sight when I first saw it. I dreamed of a ring that is
entwined with gold, silver and platinum with a diamond stone in it, and
with our names engraved beneath it. But I only saw two wide silver
rings usually worn by the punks and pop fashionistas. It never even
looked like a wedding ring. But it was the only one that fitted our
budget. He just assured me that we would buy a new one once we returned
to Manila.
The
consul in the embassy who married us advised us not to take away the
ring in our fingers, no matter what kind of storms may come our way. We
have to wear it as a sign of commitment to the marriage vow we just had
promised. On that wedding rite when my new husband put it on my finger,
it fitted just right. Along with it was the acceptance of a promise to
keep, if not forever but for sure, until the end of my life. It was a
feeling of bliss to bestow a life long vow to the man I love all my
life.
After sometime, my skin developed a kind of rash, possibly from the
encounter of my skin with the metallic kind. I did not took it away
though. I feel guilty to take away the ring that reminds me of my
husband, just in trade for my own comfort. When he returned to our
country, the ring reminded me of my commitment to keep. That this is
not anymore just my life alone, but about being with my husband living
a life together in union.
There were a time I took it away when we fought about his past
entanglements and his inability to deal with reality upfront. I put it
on the corner of my headboard never wanting to see it again. I admitted
there came a point that I second thought about my marriage vows. “Is it really worth it? Is it good to keep? Is it worth of the sleepless nights and heartaches that I may experience?”
But then there I have God, who I promised together with my husband to
make this marriage work. I wore it back again reminding that I have a
vow to my God. My promise is no longer about being just a wife, but
being a Christian at the sight of my Creator.
I had been since a work slave. I found my satisfaction and my
accomplishments with it. But it also made us separated. There was a
good job offer but it posed a threat on our relationship – I will be
separated for long from my husband and I cannot be pregnant at the
course of the project. Seeing now the ring in my hands, I ponder much
deeper to the possible effects of this offer.
After some months of wearing, my skin gave in to the deep engravings
of the ring. The skin beneath it is now whiter than my usual skin
color. I noticed that my finger now looks better with it. It fits more
perfectly. Taking a glimpse at my wedding ring, I took the job offer
away. Of course it hurts me leaving the company I dreamed working with,
but I don’t think it will be the same hurt that I will feel should I
fail with my married life.
Now, I don’t think it will be better to see my fingers without that
ring. After some months, it has been with me battling major decisions
in our married life and seeing things through. It will always be in my
fingers, and will always be a reminder of comfort and a promise to keep
forever. And I think a new set of wedding rings is no more necessary.
